Flaming Nora

It'll be football o'clock in our house on Saturday 11 August when the footy season kicks off again. I can't wait, especially now with Sunderland AFC back in the Premiership. Anyway, one of the joys of the football season starting again is that Soccer AM is back on TV. It's one of the best things on the box at this time of year, even if it does include the embarassingly cringe making Soccerette spot . I have to go and make a cuppa when she comes on.

When I'm Queen I'd open up Buckingham Palace, free of charge, for anyone who wants to come in and have a look around and take tea in the gardens, wearing whatever they blinkin' well like. No hats, no pomp, no circumstance, just fun - and a good nosy around my London home. When I'm Queen I'd ban all reality TV shows involving plastic surgery and/or Simon Cowell. I'd get rid of Page 3 girls, lads' mags and the Soccerette slot from Sky Sports' otherwise brilliant Soccer AM show. I'd insist on confidence building and assertiveness training classes for all school children, girls and boys, starting from primary school up. I'd make yoga classes free of charge, up and down the land. I'd make Kathy Burke Prime Minster. And finally, I'd abolish the monarchy, sending out various members of my family to do an honest day's toil on a factory floor. [Originally written by me for Dollymix ]