Flaming Nora

I've had a break from writing the Coronation Street weekly updates for the last two weeks as I've been immersed in special Corrie projects . But now I'm back and this week's Coronation Street update has just gone live here. This week the update comes with a comedy tumbleweed.

This week I found an umbrella on the underground. The umbrella I already have has a wonky spoke and it's so light and effete that I swear I hear it whimper when there's drizzle in the air. So, when I found this big, lumpy, beef of a brolly on the tube, that someone had left behind, did I hand it in to the lost property office? No, I kept it and threw out my old one instead. Does that make me so bad?

I'm loving My Epileptic Lurcher. Not that I've got one, a lurcher, I mean. My Epileptic Lurcher , by Des Dillon, is the title of one of the most wonderful novels I've ever read. I'm only part way through but intend to spend the next three hours reading it and submitting to the book. It's heart-rending, funny, and if I'm not in tears by page 56, well, I'll be surprised.

What is it with blokes who wear their collars up? It just screams Tim Nice But Dim . Put your collar down and grow up.

We've got two teenagers coming to stay next week. I mean, you know, what do they eat? Anyway, I can't sit around here blogging you know. I'd best go and practice my OMGs and LOLs!!!!!!!

Sarah Millican is my new favourite funny woman. She's from South Shields, you know. And she's also very funny.

I'm a fan of Loose Women . There I've said it. Well, I fit their demographic so well. I'm from working-class stock but now with a bit of cash in my pocket so I can buy the latest slap (because I'm worth it) and I know all the words to I Will Survive. Anyway, much as I love the programme and never miss it when I'm work sick and sniffling on the sofa, here's my ideal Loose Women panel line-up... Liza Tarbuck, Julie Burchill, Mariella Frostrup, Victoria Coren and Pauline Quirke as the host. Now that'd be a telly programme worth watching.

Look, it's mid-March and I'm stil wearing my scarf and gloves. It's not nice and it's not right.

I've been writing Coronation Street weekly updates since 1995 and this week's Coronation Street update has just gone live here . This week the update comes with little Simon's grandparents, Jimmy Greaves and Pauline Prescott.

I've been writing Coronation Street weekly updates since 1995 and this week's Coronation Street update has just gone live here . This week the update goes for a jar in its jim-jams.