An ode to Edie Britt

My favourite Desperate Housewife is dead, no more, deceased and gone. So long, Edie Britt. You might have been a tart but you were my favourite Desperate Housewife.

Desperate Housewives should never be confused with this.

Coronation Street Weekly Update - April 27, 2009

I've been writing Coronation Street weekly updates since 1995 and this week's Coronation Street update has just gone live here.

This week the update comes with a very confused Jason Grimshaw.

Boris Johnson is a twerp

Boris Johnson, Mayor of London has gone and done it again - axed something else that thousands of Londoners enjoyed.

This time it's Europe's biggest anti-racist festival which he's decided to poo on from a great height. Read all about it here. What a pillock the man is.

See also: Boris Johnson is a numpty

Mother

Today, I have hoovered and himself has done the bathroom. Tickets for a show have been booked and a restaurant table reserved. And so, I think we're all set for me mam's visit to London this coming weekend.
Here's what happened last time she was here.

Don Letts

The book I'm managing to block out everyone else and avoid eye-contact on the tube with is Don Letts' Culture Clash. It's his autobiography and an excellent read.

DJ, singer, film maker... he's done more than most and I swear the power of his ego is turning the pages. A good read and one I recommend.

Monkey poo

A news story on telly last night about giraffes made me realise that Flamingoland in North Yorkshire is not only still open, but still rates itself as a tourist destination. I hadn't given the place a thought in years, thinking by now it must have closed down and an Aldi built on the site. But no, Flamingoland is still open and presumably, as the ads used to say in the 1970's, still "on the Malton to Pickering road".

Anyway, the reason for this ramble is that Flamingoland reminds me of another animal park - Lambton Lion Park, which was closer to home. It sticks in the memory because of a family trip there in the 70's in dad's brand new car. Dad was driving, mam was in the passenger seat, and us three noisy kids in the back. I was probably playing Bay City Rollers tapes. So there we all were, driving around the wildlife section of the park admiring the monkeys when one of the cheeky beggars jumped on the new car bonnet and stared through the car windscreen direct at my parents. It then had a really big, stinking, smelly poo on the new car bonnet in front of the five of us. We could only sit and watch. Well, what would you have done?

Mam panicked a bit, us kids in the back of the car laughed and screamed and dad just sat there, quiet. When the monkey business finished, did dad get out of the car and clean the muck up? No, he did not. He drove very slowly and very carefully all the way back to Sunderland so as not to disturb the big pile of steaming monkey poo on the bonnet and when we got home, he put it straight onto the soil around his prize-winning leeks.

Coronation Street Weekly Update - April 20, 2009

I've been writing Coronation Street weekly updates since 1995 and this week's Coronation Street update has just gone live here.

This week the update comes with the wonderful Betty Turpin doing one of her faces.

The Damned United

To the flicks last night to see The Damned United and a damn fine film it was too. Anyone else spot Scarborough being used as filming for the shots in Brighton...

Coronation Street Weekly Update - April 13, 2009

I've been writing Coronation Street weekly updates since 1995 and this week's Coronation Street update has just gone live here.

This week the update comes with Blanche Hunt as Amelia Earhart. Who else?

Diamonds and pearls

Easter weekend spent up north with the family and out in the car with brother number two, we passed three of my mum's cronies. These women are matriachs, not just in their family but in the village where they've lived all of their lives. He bipped the car horn at the trio, they turned and waved, we waved back.

"Who's them?" I asked bro.

"Dinah, Ruby and Pearl," bro replied.
"I wonder why no-one calls their kids Dinah, Ruby and Pearl any more?" I mused.
"That's 'cos they don't make women like Dinah, Ruby and Pearl any more," he replied.
I could only agree.

Easter, faster, better

I love the Easter holidays and in many ways prefer it as a family holiday to Christmas. All you have to do at Easter is run in with a chocolate egg and some daffs, eat a roast chicken dinner and run out again. Perfect. Christmas could learn a thing or two about Easter, just you mark my words.

Coronation Street Weekly Update - April 6, 2009

I've been writing Coronation Street weekly updates since 1995 and this week's Coronation Street update has just gone live here.

This week the update comes with a decision from Norris.

The Sopranos, again

Santa Claus brought me Sopranos series 1 for Christmas just gone. Series 2 was ordered post-haste and Series 3 came in the post this week. I haven't enjoyed a TV programme so much since this one, which I still rate as the only TV programme worth paying the telly licence for. Anyway, my Carmela Soprano impersonation is coming on a treat: "Hey, Toawnee, wan' sum cawfee?"

All about Alpen

I love Alpen muesli, it's my favourite breakfast cereal but I hate raisins and sultanas except when baked in a cake. So it takes me longer to take out the raisins and sultanas each morning from the Alpen than it does to eat my breakfast. I might have to change to Corn Flakes instead.

Did you know that there's an Anti-Raisin club? There is.

Michelle Obama, let's hear it for the big lass

I'm loving Michelle Obama for being a big, tall, strapping lass, much like myself. She doesn't stoop and holds herself really well. It took me many years to learn how to do that and I just wish I had her courage to wear heels but I don't, I wear these although I'd love to wear these.

April in the garden

Spring in the garden is my favourite time of year. Everything's so fluffy and frilly and it takes on a life that isn't repeated at any other time of the year. Summer's good in the garden for sitting out and eating or having a beer in the sunshine of a Saturday afternoon. But spring in the garden is magic. Kew Gardens was also out in full spring force this week too.

Sunset Boulevard

To the theatre last night to see Sunset Boulevard which was fancamptastic. It wasn't me that got small, it was the blog posts that got big.