Today, I tried twice to put the Facebook app back on my phone.
And twice I decided against it.
A few months ago I realised Facebook was deeply affecting my moods. Once I knew and understood what was happening I removed Facebook from my phone. I removed Twitter too, because Elon Musk has ruined any pleasure I used to receive when using it.
Without my two favourite social media apps on my phone I've been twitchy, a sure sign I was finding the addiction hard to live without. But I persevered and now only use Facebook and Twitter via browser while on my laptop or PC. I mainly do this to keep my author page updated and free of the increasing spam.
However I've been feeling unwanted and lonely without the constant stream of updates, pictures, likes and comments from hundreds of 'friends' (most of whom I barely know; many of whom I'd avoid in real life).
And so today I bit the bullet and downloaded Facebook to re-install on my phone.
It was there, ready for me to log in to, reconnect and join.
But I just couldn't do it.
I knew that once I did, I'd come up against the same issues, the depression , the mood swings, seeing things I'd rather not, disturbing things I'd never un-see... all the things that led me to leave it in the first place. Therefore I deleted the app without logging in.
Then I reconsidered.
I downloaded Facebook Lite. An addict telling myself just a little glass of wine would be all right, I didn't have to drink the full bottle.
But once Facebook Lite was on my phone, ready to log into and reconnect with hundreds of 'friends'... Again, I couldn't do it. I haven't done it. And I guess now I never will.
But what's worse, I wonder?
Is it worse to feel depressed every day, to have my mood set and tweaked by what I see on a social media app... or to feel lonely without constant access to it?
